I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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