Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
