This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
