Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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