tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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