we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
