mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
