Pappa wants mamma naked
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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