Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
