Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
