just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
