Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
