Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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