there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
