Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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