What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
