We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
