It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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