addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
