i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
