everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
