How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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