guys are not supposed to queef...right?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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