garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
