Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
