"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
