I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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