I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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