I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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