1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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