I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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