if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
