im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
