I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
