We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
