I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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