im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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