Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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