i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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