her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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