Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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