The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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