Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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