every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
