youre lurking in front of me
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
