they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
