I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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