I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
