I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
