She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
