Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
