I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
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