Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
