well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
