The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Be still, my beating vagina.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
