i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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