Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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