I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
