none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
